disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Divorce can be an expensive proposition. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? International Nursing Review. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. Thats life. A couple of years after her mother's death, Deschamps' father remarried in an LDS Temple and was sealed to his second wife. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. 2 Meet other future spouses. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Eleven women participated in the study. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. The Journal of Social Psychology. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. 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Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Both babies were through cesarean. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. Invest in the future today. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. It was a love marriage. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. Being a step-parent can be a very . She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. She does not have an apartment . Cross-Cultural Research. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". | Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Not many people like a second wife. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. The world is their oyster. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Crookston EM. Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before.

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