short funny affirmations
26. 221. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 125. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. What do computers eat for a snack? When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 152. I am here to live to the fullest. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I am grateful for that time. 257. Because he was always spotted. Stuart Turner 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 5. 164. 176. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 9. 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 122. I did it! 261. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 2. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Because seven ate nine. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Education cost money. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 49. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I tried, but they wanted cash. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 4. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 112. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Im not insulting you. 234. 1. Send me the link. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. My mood swings keep life interesting. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Good morning! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 20. Your values become your destiny. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 268. 118. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Envelope. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Roy Lichtenstein 144. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Sincerely, the floor. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 6. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Microchips. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. A mind is like a parachute. 191. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret I honor that time. When nothing is going right, go left. 106. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Bill Murray "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 222. Short people with an umbrella. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. - Irish Saying. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem A wishbone. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. My son is now an entrepreneur. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 153. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 1. I dont worry about getting older. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Just like every Monday does on Earth. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I did not trip and fall. But you can always be immature. I see the funny side of life more and more. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. 100. 93. 168. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 272. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 145. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 84. Today I will embrace the poop. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 137. 158. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. We have a connection. 143. My jokes do. 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle 39. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Friends buy you food. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. 133. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 109. Exercise? Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I am intelligent. 123. 251. And a funny bone., 10. I am lazy till I get a motive. Short Funny Affirmations. 102. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Milton Berle 7. When life closes a door, just open it again. Your life is your message to the world. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 78. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Be careful when you follow the masses. 26. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. No matter what I look like. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 2. 123. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. How do trees access the internet? Robert Bloch. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 276. Sam Levenson First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Your email address will not be published. 53. Why was six scared of seven? Ann Landers, 244. 220. I enjoy every minute of it. 42. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. Not me, but somebody does. 1. Need to send some positive energy your way? 211. 131. Best friends eat your food. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I am enough. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 6. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Hes dreaming too. 164. 86. Steven Wright, 252. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I am intelligent. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 86. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. In between, I am alive. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. no rich foods. Socrates. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 50. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 22. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 113. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 33. No, but April may. 9. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. I am fine. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 188. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Short Funny Sayings If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 158. It has nothing new to tell you. 7. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Flip Wilson, 263. 147. Good morning! 154. How do you count cows? If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 47. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 271. 265. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. A gummy bear. Breasts dont have eyes. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 240. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. I am tough and resilient. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I tried, but they wanted cash. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life I can create positive change in the world. 26. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. 1. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 192. Bill Murray So far, so good. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. When they go away, its a brighter day. Your words become your actions. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 96. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators 89. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave Benjamin Franklin. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 74. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 256. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Its called tomorrow. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. What do computers eat for a snack? When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Today is a great day. 22. 186. grateful. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 9. How do trees access the internet? Go to bed with satisfaction.". Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. 279. 223. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 81. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 177. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 65. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 169. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 8. With time, I have started to value more time. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Read the first word again. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I am calm, patient and at peace. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 266. 55. 19. Envelope. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube 35. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Enjoy! The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Not me, but somebody does. It may feel useless but just get into it. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Exercise? Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. A backbone. Things are getting better all the time. What do you call a bear with no teeth? And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. I did not trip and fall. 56. Yeah, so is a grenade. Paul Ehrlich 127. I dont think thats a coincidence. 9. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 134. 93. - Jack London. 101. New year, new me. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 5. My mistakes dont define me. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. 74. 102. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 187. 115. 3. 9. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. ". I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. I tell you what always catches my eye. I see food, and I eat it. Swimming trunks. Roy Lichtenstein. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 236. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. "If you see me talking to myself. 70. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . 142. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Pat Sajak How do you count cows? I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 126. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 148. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Life always offers you a second chance. You wanna know who Im in love with? But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 26. You wanna know who Im in love with? 1. 30. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 170. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. I am on a seafood diet. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Charles M. Schulz When nothing is going right, go left. 128. Really? My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 103. Walter Bagehot. 217. Erma Bombeck Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 213. 5. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 1. Lorrin L. Lee. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. The best things in life are free. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 80. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Chop your own wood. 237. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Take a look! Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Cindy from Marzahn. 209. Bill Murray Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 182. God has never abandoned me. 54. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. 210. Lily Tomlin 185. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 77. Read the first word again. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. A wishbone. "We . With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 246. 29. 150. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 120. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 53. 20 Positive Affirmations You Can Use to Inspire Your Life - Mindvalley Blog It doesnt work if it is not open. Enjoy! To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Bill Murray. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 96. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 216. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 28. 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Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy 168. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 104. 264. 113. -Katrina Bowden. 244. Laughter brings me closer to people. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Because it was soda pressing. 92. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. My mistakes dont define me.
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